We’ve all heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that’s on par with having hair like a Victoria’s Secret angel and a metabolism that can burn right through morning bagels. But sexperts are here to reassure us all that multiple orgasms really do exist and—even better—that we can all have them!
“I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her man. She may be the extreme, but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman,” says holistic sex and relationship expert Kim Anami.
Obviously, we don't need to convince how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure. “Touch, pleasure and orgasms all have a host of health benefits including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional wellbeing,” says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, she adds, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness for the woman. (Read more! Your Brain On: An Orgasm.)
And if one orgasm is healthy, imagine how much better off you’d be with two or more!
So, the question on all of our minds is, how?! “Many women don't allow themselves to get fully aroused, and arousal is what fuels multiple orgasms,” Rose explains. This is a long road, and one you might not reach the end of on the first try, but Rose and Anami have a pretty thorough guide to help you get there. To achieve maximum arousal and multiple Os, follow these seven steps:
Check Your Emotions
Building arousal and experiencing multiple Os in one go is definitely about physical technique (don’t worry, we’ll get there), but first step is setting your thoughts and emotions straight. “Becoming a multiorgasmic woman is a mindset more than anything,” Rose says. (And avoid these 5 Common Libido-Crushers.)
It's as easy as believing it’s possible for you personally to climax more than once, Anami says. Next is learning to relax: “Deeper orgasms are all about a very intense state of release, so you have to be willing to dive into the unknown and let go,” Anami adds. Once your attitude starts to shift, two or more orgasms may well become your new normal, Rose says.
Slow Him Down
“Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more,” Anami says. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20—a discrepancy researchers call “the arousal gap.” How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques, because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads us to…
Let Him Lavish You
Your man wants nothing more than to see you orgasm one or twice (don’t worry, he’ll catch up!). “Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their women enjoy more than one orgasm—but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure,” says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills, give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like "I'm taking too long" or "He must be getting bored down there," then no amount of great stimulation will help. (Learn how to Have an Amazing Orgasm: Eliminate Distraction.)
Help Him with Hand Work
“For most women, your partner's hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure he knows how to use them,” Rose says. Show him exactly how you like to be touched—and then let him explore. (Find out how to Have an Amazing Orgasm: Make Solo Sex Count.) “A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for good reason, as this combination allows him to turn on both the external clitoris and it's internal roots,” Rose suggests. Move his hands to where you touch yourself, and give him audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.
Take a Breath
“After your first orgasm, take a moment or two to savor the afterglow before you start building arousal back up again. Your next orgasm might be mere minutes away,” Rose says. Focus on your breathing: “When people get sexually excited, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow,” Anami says. “The more you can practice deep, steady breathing, you'll relax, stay in the present moment, and also increase the power and pleasure of your orgasm.”
Turn to Orgasmic Intercourse
Once he is inside, keep up the clitoral stimulation, Rose suggests. She’s on to something: The majority of women worldwide don’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but instead can only climax from clitoral stimulation, reports a study in the journal Clinical Anatomy. “For most women, this is how they can get to full (and multiple) orgasms during intercourse,” she adds. (Upgrade the norm: How to Get More Pleasure Out of Common Sex Positions.)
Keep the Connection
The deeper vaginal orgasms are all about a very deep state of release and letting go. Feeling like you’re on the same wavelength as your partner can help. “Maintaining eye contact with him is intense, but this forces you to be more vulnerable and open, which is key to these deeper orgasmic experiences,” Anami explains.
And once you reach your second, the doors are wide open: “if you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience,” Rose says. If it doesn't happen the first time, don't worry—practicing is something you and your partner can both enjoy.