New Love, New Adventures: Rediscovering Intimacy Over 50
Love, intimacy and passion have no expiry date. I regularly hear stories from customers embarking on second (or even third) relationships, and how it’s opened up a world they didn't know existed. A world of pleasure, connection and intimacy they thought was long gone.
There’s something deeply exciting and yes, a little nerve-wracking about stepping into a new relationship later in life. Whether you’re freshly dating, newly partnered, or simply opening yourself to the idea of connection again, discovering intimacy in your 50s (and beyond) can be an exciting and empowering journey.
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The fastest-growing demographic on dating apps? People aged 50+. In fact, a Pew Research (USA) report found a doubling of users over 50 on dating platforms since 2016.
1. Let Go of the Pressure
Yes I agree, the thought of starting over sounds scary. I have been with my husband for over 25 years, my entire adult life and while we are happily still together, I often say to single friends I couldn't imagine having to try dating in this age of Tinder and social media, and of course getting naked in front of a stranger with this late 40’s body!
But this isn’t your twenties and thank goodness for that. With age comes a wisdom and confidence I would have loved to have in my 20’s. There’s less need to impress, perform, or tick boxes. Hopefully you know a little more of what you want and DON'T want from a relationship - whether that's casual or looking for long term. Being over 50 often means you’ve lived, learned, and earned the right to know what feels good, physically and emotionally.
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According to a 2023 AARP study, 62% of people aged 50-70 say sex is still important in their lives, emotionally, physically, and relationally.
2. Communication is Everything
Talking about sex and intimacy can feel awkward but it’s also the foundation of great connection and the way to better pleasure for you both. Use the mistakes of the past to set you up for success this time, don’t fall into the same patterns that brought issues to your intimacy or lack thereof last time.
Say what you want. Ask what your partner needs. Be brave enough to be a little vulnerable. This new partner may be feeling just as unsure and vulnerable as you.
"We just had to laugh our way through the first few times. Neither of us was sure what we were doing, but talking about it made all the difference."
John, 61
Even a simple, “How does that feel?” or “Can we try this differently?” creates space for deeper trust and better experiences.
3. Confidence in Your Body
Let’s be real: stepping into intimacy with a new partner when your body isn’t quite what it was at 25 can feel intimidating. There might be wrinkles where there weren’t, softness where there wasn’t, and a few creaks and clicks that definitely weren’t in the original design.
But here’s the truth, confidence is wildly attractive. It's not about having a “perfect” body (whatever that is), it’s about owning the one you’re in. "This body has lived, loved, experienced joy, endured pain, maybe birthed children or carried the weight of life in other ways. That’s sexy."
A few simple ways to boost your body confidence:
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Dress the part: Beautiful lingerie isn’t just for your partner it’s for you. Even a silky robe or sexy sleepwear can shift your mindset. Whatever your gender, wear (or don’t wear) whatever makes you feel sexy and confident.
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Light it your way: Soft lighting is your best friend. Candles, salt lamps, or even a dimmed lamp can help you feel relaxed and radiant.
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Mirror moments: Spend time getting reacquainted with your body. Stand in front of the mirror, compliment yourself, touch your skin with curiosity instead of criticism.
“I used to dread getting undressed in front of someone new. Now I focus on how I feel instead of how I look and it’s changed everything.”
Louise, 62
Don’t dim your light for anyone. And if all else fails, remember: they’re probably too excited to notice the things you’re worried about anyway!
4. Be Open-Minded and Curious
Bodies change. Desires evolve. What worked for you 20 years ago might not now and that’s perfectly okay. This should be a time of discovery, not pressure. With age comes wisdom, yes, but it also brings hormonal changes. Our hormone levels change drastically which can bring with it a multitude of things we never worried about in our 20’s and 30’s. The main issues I hear from customers are lack of libido, struggle to orgasm and vaginal dryness. Being open to trying new things such as toys and vibrators can be a huge game changer and the right lube is an absolute must for the more mature lovers ( did I put that nicely enough?)
"I’d never used toys before. Honestly, I thought they were just for younger people. But we explored together, and it brought us so much closer."
Marina, 64
Try new things. Visit an adult store online (like Nauti NZ) for a browse. It’s a great way to get a conversation going around sex, likes and dislikes and what you might be interested in trying.
Here are a few links to popular couples toys to get you started.
Now that we’ve got the lights dimmed and the confidence dialed up, let’s have a quick word about something that isn’t always sexy but should be part of every new relationship conversation…
5. Safe Sex is Sexy, Too
Before we throw ourselves into the wild abandon (and toys), let’s pause for one crucial part of the conversation
There’s a myth floating around that people over 50 don’t need to worry about protection. But STIs don’t check your birth certificate. In fact, cases of sexually transmitted infections in people over 50 are on the rise largely because many of us stopped worrying about condoms when we stopped worrying about pregnancy.
Here’s what matters:
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Get tested before becoming sexually active with a new partner and encourage them to do the same. It’s not awkward; it’s responsible.
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Use protection, especially in new relationships. Condoms are still your best line of defense. And yes, they come in ultra-thin, textured, and even vegan varieties now. View condoms here
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Have the conversation. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but talking about sexual health is actually a major turn-on because it shows care, respect, and confidence.
“After my divorce, I hadn't thought about STIs in decades. My new partner brought it up first, and I was relieved it made me feel respected and safe.”
Steve, 59
Safe sex isn’t a buzzkill, it's a turn-on. It shows you value yourself, your partner, and the connection you're building. That’s hot.
Once all the safety stuff is sorted, the real fun can begin. Because this phase of life isn’t about rules and restrictions it’s about freedom, curiosity, and yes, a little bit of wild abandon…
6.. Most of All… Have Fun With It
Let go of expectations. Rediscover the joy of touch, laughter, connection, and maybe a few blush-worthy moments.
They don’t call it pleasure for nothing. Sex and Intimacy are meant to be enjoyable, feel good and bring you closer together. So make sure more than anything that's what is happening for you both! I often say to customers after a purchase, it can take a few attempts to figure out a new toy, so experiment, have fun and enjoy. Nothing wrong with a bit of giggle mid session.
"We’ve had more fun in the last six months than I ever imagined possible at our age. It’s not just about sex it’s about joy."
Peter & Ray, 62 and 60
Entering a new phase of intimacy over 50 isn’t about starting over, it's about starting fresh. With an open mind, a little bravery and a good sense of humor, you can have a satisfying and exciting love life for years to come.
So go ahead talk about it. Laugh about it. Light the candles. And most importantly, enjoy it.