What is a fetish or kink? Is my fetish normal?

A fetish is when something completely ordinary brings you great pleasure and fulfilment sexually. As well as having a fetish for something (like feet), you can also have a fetish for a place (such as sex in public); or you might have a fetish for a texture, such as latex. Defining fetishes as those that are outside the norms doesn't mean every out-of-the-box sexual desire can be termed a fetish. I believe there is a line separating something that is a fetish from something that is just kind of fun. As a true fetish, there must be an associated sex act that triggers your desire for the object or act. For example, if you enjoy getting spanked occasionally or even regularly, that does not mean you have an actual spanking fetish, which is the act of dominating that gets a person off.

         

 

 

Why do we have these sexual kinks and quirks? “Fetishes are generally thought to be learned behaviours where a person associates a certain object with sexual arousal through experience,” Your fetish may have been formed in childhood or adolescence, or you may have discovered it as an adult. I always urge people to be curious and to try new things because they don't know if they're into them until they try them."

Bringing up your sexual fetishes with a new partner can be tricky, partly because of a general misunderstanding of fetishes. Our own fetishes can cause us to feel shame because we don't understand them. However, there's no need to feel shame. First of all, you don't choose your fetish. Second, they're extremely common.

 Unlike other words, fetish has a long and distinguished history. "Feitico" comes from the Portuguese word meaning obsession. A fetish is today considered a recurring fantasy, desire, or behaviour that is sexually compelling and lasts at least six months. There are various types of fetishes, from sexually manifested to non-sexually manifested. In simple terms, sexual fetishes are just a type of paraphilia, or atypical behaviour, which includes non-traditional activities such as cross-dressing and dominance.

 

                     

 The notion that certain sexual preferences and desires are 'abnormal' is controversial because what is considered "normal" differs across cultures and changes over time; there is no agreed-upon definition as to what constitutes paraphilia.

Joni Morrissey - Sexologist

Specializes in couples therapy, sexual dysfunction & is a "kink" aware therapist.

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